I Wish I Could Stick To My Guns

I wish I was the type of person who could stick to my guns. When I made the promise to myself to get better I really meant it. But to get myself to stay committed is something I have yet to accomplish. People say I need to look “big picture”. They tell me, “it’s a journey.” But for a perfectionist like me, that’s not good enough. Instead, I sit wishing I had the self-control knowing I’m the reason my life feels all over the place. I’m constantly reminded of that, which leaves me feeling sub-par. I know that occasionally my choices make me feel worse and I’m left questioning why I make certain decisions in the first place.

Multiple people in my life, from multiple countries, on multiple continents, have told me that I am meant to be vulnerable. I’ve been called a trailblazer, a natural leader, a unique and creative person with huge potential. They told me to “remember them when I’m changing the big world and living my dreams out.” And I want to do that. I want to have a large, international influence. But I’m embarrassed, because yes that is my dream, but here I am with 25 followers on my blog, friends that cancel on me, and people who forget I exist.

I used to be able to picture my dream life, but now I’m scared to and I feel like it’s slowly fading away. I used to look forward to life, but now I can’t even look into the future. It’s a fear of mine. Now here I am, feeling empty because I feel far away from the dream inside my head.

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“When Fire Breathes”

When fire breathes in Earthly realms and spreads amongst the trees Wilderness becomes subdued uncontrollably Fervid forces quickly spread and scatter throughout the scene Once a thriving display of life is now a hazy smokescreen Framed by blackened land, the sky is non-existent Erased by burning skeletons, flattened in an instant Yet, beyond the ash […]

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“Don’t Label Me”

Fall, Winter, Summer, Spring I can conquer anything. Running, running, hit the wall. Catch me, I’m about to fall. Imprisoned. Restless. Released. Invested. Discouraged. Deflated. Euphoric. Elated. I’m up, I’m down, I’m all around. Look for me, I can’t be found. I hit these points that you describe. Will you treat, or mask, or just […]

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