I wish I was the type of person who could stick to my guns. When I made the promise to myself to get better I really meant it. But to get myself to stay committed is something I have yet to accomplish. People say I need to look “big picture”. They tell me, “it’s a journey.” But for a perfectionist like me, that’s not good enough. Instead, I sit wishing I had the self-control knowing I’m the reason my life feels all over the place. I’m constantly reminded of that, which leaves me feeling sub-par. I know that occasionally my choices make me feel worse and I’m left questioning why I make certain decisions in the first place.
Multiple people in my life, from multiple countries, on multiple continents, have told me that I am meant to be vulnerable. I’ve been called a trailblazer, a natural leader, a unique and creative person with huge potential. They told me to “remember them when I’m changing the big world and living my dreams out.” And I want to do that. I want to have a large, international influence. But I’m embarrassed, because yes that is my dream, but here I am with 25 followers on my blog, friends that cancel on me, and people who forget I exist.
I used to be able to picture my dream life, but now I’m scared to and I feel like it’s slowly fading away. I used to look forward to life, but now I can’t even look into the future. It’s a fear of mine. Now here I am, feeling empty because I feel far away from the dream inside my head.
Read more "I Wish I Could Stick To My Guns"
I always knew I was a creative person, but it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I realized how much of my identity is shaped by it. The way I view the world, including my major life choices, all stem due to me being creative. It dictates the way I think, and therefore […]
Read more "I’ve Been Published For The First Time Ever!"
In my last post, I wrote about how important sleep is to overall well being. We all know that’s essentially a no-brainer. But for many of us, sleep is our nemesis. It mocks us for hours as we lie awake staring at the ceiling. The next morning we’re so sleep deprived that we want to […]
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When fire breathes in Earthly realms and spreads amongst the trees Wilderness becomes subdued uncontrollably Fervid forces quickly spread and scatter throughout the scene Once a thriving display of life is now a hazy smokescreen Framed by blackened land, the sky is non-existent Erased by burning skeletons, flattened in an instant Yet, beyond the ash […]
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The importance of sleep has been preached time and time again, especially to those dealing with mental illness, and if you’re anything like me, you can’t “adult” without it. (Though sometimes I genuinely don’t want to be an adult, but that’s a whole different conversation. Ha!) Growing up as a gymnast, and participating in additional […]
Read more "What’s This “Sleep” You’re Referring To? (Part 1)"
Fall, Winter, Summer, Spring I can conquer anything. Running, running, hit the wall. Catch me, I’m about to fall. Imprisoned. Restless. Released. Invested. Discouraged. Deflated. Euphoric. Elated. I’m up, I’m down, I’m all around. Look for me, I can’t be found. I hit these points that you describe. Will you treat, or mask, or just […]
Read more "“Don’t Label Me”"
I live in a downtown loft so I understand that it’ll be noisy every so often. I’m cool with that as I know I’m not the only one living here. It took some getting used to, but now I find the sound of cars driving on the highway quite soothing. And if you look close […]
Read more "Random Rant #1: Dear 3 am Neighbors, You Suck!"